i really wish i could take credit for this diagram idea, but im not a genius. i saw the happy/sad face venn diagram somewhere on the internet, and thought it was an amazing idea and decided to make one of my own.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
BITTERSWEET
i really wish i could take credit for this diagram idea, but im not a genius. i saw the happy/sad face venn diagram somewhere on the internet, and thought it was an amazing idea and decided to make one of my own.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
EVERYTHING FAILS
in my work and in my life as an artist (if i can really call myself that), i seek to express myself. describe how im feeling. tap in to my psyche. comment on the human condition. relate to people. share something meaningful. all those lofty, altruistic ideals that doe-eyed, naive, energetic forward-thinking positive artists shoot for.
thing is... art, by nature of itself, always fails. there's no conversion rate for emotion.
we've tried. really hard. that's why we created language, so we can convert these abstract, nebulous feelings into something concrete that can be relayed to others. but are they able to deconstruct that information back to abstract ideas? can anyone ever really and truly know what you feel, when you express it through something so flawed as language? ive used the word 'love' to describe my relationship with family, women, dogs, dr pepper and pens.
and i feel things that words havent even been made to describe! how can i get that across?
thats why we turn to art. music. poetry. dance. movies. architecture. screaming. punching. kissing.
but all that fails too, doesnt it?
thats why i love and hate art and relationships and conversation and religion and everything that is wrapped up into this beautiful beautiful existence.
thing is... art, by nature of itself, always fails. there's no conversion rate for emotion.
we've tried. really hard. that's why we created language, so we can convert these abstract, nebulous feelings into something concrete that can be relayed to others. but are they able to deconstruct that information back to abstract ideas? can anyone ever really and truly know what you feel, when you express it through something so flawed as language? ive used the word 'love' to describe my relationship with family, women, dogs, dr pepper and pens.
and i feel things that words havent even been made to describe! how can i get that across?
thats why we turn to art. music. poetry. dance. movies. architecture. screaming. punching. kissing.
but all that fails too, doesnt it?
thats why i love and hate art and relationships and conversation and religion and everything that is wrapped up into this beautiful beautiful existence.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
IT HURTS SO GOOD
i am living off my savings.
i have no idea where im going or what im going to do.
i completely uprooted myself from family and friends.
i havent eaten this much ramen since college.
i dont know my way around this town.
i constantly feel intimidated.
i sleep in way too late.
i am nervous, scared, and anxious with the world out there.
but ive smiled every day since ive been here. i cant stay down being here. there are so many people here that i just genuinely enjoy. of them, there are people who:
-ive only known a few months.
-i havent seen or talked to in over 5 years.
-i used to literally see every day, and i never knew how much i missed them until i moved here and saw them again.
-are some of my best friends.
-WILL become some of my best friends. ive already decided.
sure, my bank account is taking a hit, and im living in perpetual uncertainty. but honestly, this is the happiest ive been in a long time.
i have no idea where im going or what im going to do.
i completely uprooted myself from family and friends.
i havent eaten this much ramen since college.
i dont know my way around this town.
i constantly feel intimidated.
i sleep in way too late.
i am nervous, scared, and anxious with the world out there.
but ive smiled every day since ive been here. i cant stay down being here. there are so many people here that i just genuinely enjoy. of them, there are people who:
-ive only known a few months.
-i havent seen or talked to in over 5 years.
-i used to literally see every day, and i never knew how much i missed them until i moved here and saw them again.
-are some of my best friends.
-WILL become some of my best friends. ive already decided.
sure, my bank account is taking a hit, and im living in perpetual uncertainty. but honestly, this is the happiest ive been in a long time.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
ON DEATH
i do not get mad at death, much for the same reasons i do not get mad at sunsets.
it is true that the sun will leave us, and we will be alone in the cold darkness. but the time will come when we will see those glimmering tendrils of light slowly peek out from behind the horizon, and we will be united again. until that time, i must be content to see you only in my dreams. so for now, goodnight.
it is true that the sun will leave us, and we will be alone in the cold darkness. but the time will come when we will see those glimmering tendrils of light slowly peek out from behind the horizon, and we will be united again. until that time, i must be content to see you only in my dreams. so for now, goodnight.
Monday, March 8, 2010
ON LOVE
several years ago i was posed with a question that i still keep thinking about.
it was right after my dad died. i was still at that point in the grieving process where you take everything that happens and somehow relate it back to the person you lost. i still do that every once in a while, but for different reasons. anyway - i was in a philosophy class. the jist of the discussion went like this:
we assign value to things based on functionality. example: a knife is a "good" knife when it does its function (cutting things) well. a good pen writes well. and so on. a knife loses its value when it no longer cuts well. a "bad" pen does not write well. easy idea.
so what about people? what function are we supposed to have? what makes a person a "good" person? when do people lose their value?
i dont remember all the ways the discussion went, but i do remember spending a long time talking about it and a lot of people had different things to say. it was hard to nail down one specific thing that defines a person's importance, especially since you can then break down people in to groups. what makes a good man, woman, child, catholic, atheist, american, etc. plus, whereas a bad knife does not cut well for anyone, a bad person can be a good person for someone else.
ive made up my mind that a good person loves well. that's what we're here to do. simple answer on the surface, but its hard to love everything all the time. i've certainly failed a lot.
so, a goal: love. just keep loving and keep thinking about loving.
i miss you dad.
it was right after my dad died. i was still at that point in the grieving process where you take everything that happens and somehow relate it back to the person you lost. i still do that every once in a while, but for different reasons. anyway - i was in a philosophy class. the jist of the discussion went like this:
we assign value to things based on functionality. example: a knife is a "good" knife when it does its function (cutting things) well. a good pen writes well. and so on. a knife loses its value when it no longer cuts well. a "bad" pen does not write well. easy idea.
so what about people? what function are we supposed to have? what makes a person a "good" person? when do people lose their value?
i dont remember all the ways the discussion went, but i do remember spending a long time talking about it and a lot of people had different things to say. it was hard to nail down one specific thing that defines a person's importance, especially since you can then break down people in to groups. what makes a good man, woman, child, catholic, atheist, american, etc. plus, whereas a bad knife does not cut well for anyone, a bad person can be a good person for someone else.
ive made up my mind that a good person loves well. that's what we're here to do. simple answer on the surface, but its hard to love everything all the time. i've certainly failed a lot.
so, a goal: love. just keep loving and keep thinking about loving.
i miss you dad.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
ART?
so, i did more life drawing last night, and one thing has become obvious: i do not have the patience for life drawing.
i still really like going, but if there's a pose that lasts more than 5 minutes, i really lose interest. plus, i'm honestly really sucky at life drawing anyway, so i get frustrated when im working on the same shitty drawing for 30 minutes or an hour.
but i like the challenge. i don't know if i'll ever feel like i'm good at it, but i really enjoy going. i've started a game with myself where i try to make every drawing fun: only use vertical lines, mess around with proportion, do blind contour stuff, whatever. since it's super informal and there are no grades, i'm really just paying 5 bucks to draw for a few hours. i don't even have to draw the model. i joked last night that i was going to do a 15 minute drawing of the sheet that was used for a backdrop.
i had a real positive energy about going last night, but i really, REALLY sucked. just didn't get it right for some reason. i've come up with several dumb excuses:
1. the model had hardly any figure and didn't do very dynamic poses because she had some kind of injury, so she wasn't fun to draw.
2. i've been mostly painting for about a month now, and it's hard to switch gears back to another medium, especially when you have completely different personal approaches to each one.
3. other than the 2 life drawing classes i've gone to here so far, i haven't done this in like, 6 years.
4. the music the guy was playing totally was not conducive to making art. jane's addiction is just fine, but not what i want to hear when drawing.
5. it's a night class, so i was hungry and sleepy. and right when i started feeling sleepy, dude busts out with johnny cash songs. again, not bad, but if you're sleepy, johnny cash only makes you more so.
6. i'm not buying a big pad of newsprint or charcoal or other "real" art supplies for this class, so i'm using my small sketch book and office pens and pencils. and sitting in a chair. you'd be surprised how different it is when you're standing up, using your whole arm to draw.
each of those excuses are totally true, but also amazingly lame. i just suck at life drawing.
that being said, i have been painting lately, and i like what i'm doing. getting excited about it. i got one painting finished, and 2 more in the works.
there is no beginning, and we are not trembling
oil on canvas
36x24
2010
i still really like going, but if there's a pose that lasts more than 5 minutes, i really lose interest. plus, i'm honestly really sucky at life drawing anyway, so i get frustrated when im working on the same shitty drawing for 30 minutes or an hour.
but i like the challenge. i don't know if i'll ever feel like i'm good at it, but i really enjoy going. i've started a game with myself where i try to make every drawing fun: only use vertical lines, mess around with proportion, do blind contour stuff, whatever. since it's super informal and there are no grades, i'm really just paying 5 bucks to draw for a few hours. i don't even have to draw the model. i joked last night that i was going to do a 15 minute drawing of the sheet that was used for a backdrop.
i had a real positive energy about going last night, but i really, REALLY sucked. just didn't get it right for some reason. i've come up with several dumb excuses:
1. the model had hardly any figure and didn't do very dynamic poses because she had some kind of injury, so she wasn't fun to draw.
2. i've been mostly painting for about a month now, and it's hard to switch gears back to another medium, especially when you have completely different personal approaches to each one.
3. other than the 2 life drawing classes i've gone to here so far, i haven't done this in like, 6 years.
4. the music the guy was playing totally was not conducive to making art. jane's addiction is just fine, but not what i want to hear when drawing.
5. it's a night class, so i was hungry and sleepy. and right when i started feeling sleepy, dude busts out with johnny cash songs. again, not bad, but if you're sleepy, johnny cash only makes you more so.
6. i'm not buying a big pad of newsprint or charcoal or other "real" art supplies for this class, so i'm using my small sketch book and office pens and pencils. and sitting in a chair. you'd be surprised how different it is when you're standing up, using your whole arm to draw.
each of those excuses are totally true, but also amazingly lame. i just suck at life drawing.
that being said, i have been painting lately, and i like what i'm doing. getting excited about it. i got one painting finished, and 2 more in the works.
just having fun here.
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