RESOLVE

in this place
at this hour
on this day

i remain unconquered.

it is this resolve that will see me through.

i must relearn to have faith. good things always come.

ATTENTION WOMEN

BITTERSWEET

i really wish i could take credit for this diagram idea, but im not a genius. i saw the happy/sad face venn diagram somewhere on the internet, and thought it was an amazing idea and decided to make one of my own.

MARCH 20th

i think i have a disease.

EVERYTHING FAILS

in my work and in my life as an artist (if i can really call myself that), i seek to express myself. describe how im feeling. tap in to my psyche. comment on the human condition. relate to people. share something meaningful. all those lofty, altruistic ideals that doe-eyed, naive, energetic forward-thinking positive artists shoot for.

thing is... art, by nature of itself, always fails. there's no conversion rate for emotion.

we've tried. really hard. that's why we created language, so we can convert these abstract, nebulous feelings into something concrete that can be relayed to others. but are they able to deconstruct that information back to abstract ideas? can anyone ever really and truly know what you feel, when you express it through something so flawed as language? ive used the word 'love' to describe my relationship with family, women, dogs, dr pepper and pens.

and i feel things that words havent even been made to describe! how can i get that across?

thats why we turn to art. music. poetry. dance. movies. architecture. screaming. punching. kissing.

but all that fails too, doesnt it?

thats why i love and hate art and relationships and conversation and religion and everything that is wrapped up into this beautiful beautiful existence.

THE TRINITY

IT HURTS SO GOOD

i am living off my savings.
i have no idea where im going or what im going to do.
i completely uprooted myself from family and friends.
i havent eaten this much ramen since college.
i dont know my way around this town.
i constantly feel intimidated.
i sleep in way too late.
i am nervous, scared, and anxious with the world out there.

but ive smiled every day since ive been here. i cant stay down being here. there are so many people here that i just genuinely enjoy. of them, there are people who:

-ive only known a few months.

-i havent seen or talked to in over 5 years.

-i used to literally see every day, and i never knew how much i missed them until i moved here and saw them again.

-are some of my best friends.

-WILL become some of my best friends. ive already decided.

sure, my bank account is taking a hit, and im living in perpetual uncertainty. but honestly, this is the happiest ive been in a long time.